I’m Aware: The Beginning

“Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.” Psalms 34:19

I have no idea what I am doing. This website is birthed truly out of my obedience to God’s command that I share my story. This story is incomplete and it is one that even I do not fully grasp at times. All I can do is be honest about my experiences. What I know for sure is that some powerful force has kept me along my way. That in my darkest hours instead of turning away from God, I have been compelled to chase him even more. I hunger for God, and my thirst far outweighs any despair I have ever encountered in my life. My story is inspiring and at times a turn off. My story can be a belly full of joy and simultaneously gut-wrenching painful. It is my hope that whoever reads my story will be inspired to know, love, and serve God as the all powerful benevolent creator of everything through whom all things are possible and all blessings flow.

I have fought for a long time to keep my silence about the woes and the wonders of my life. At times, I have even been ashamed to share my experiences with peers for fear that they would be overwhelmed. I have prayed to God many nights for the courage to answer his call. What really moved me to act was the death of my son, Joshua. When I looked over the lifeless body of the precious baby boy I carried for nine-months, I made a vow that our journey together would not be in vain. Though my son never took one breath of air, I promise that he breathes in me. Every day that I live for the rest of my life, I will honor him. He took away all my pain, so that I could have a second chance at serving God and inspiring his people to do the same.

The heartache and death of those I love has taught me many things. I want to explore these lessons with others. So many people walk this earth hopeless. Many times we seek refuge in others to find ourselves bitter when they fall short of our expectations. God told me to tell you that his love alone will suffice. You were made perfect in his light, and you matter no matter what the world says. No matter our situation, if we are alive, God has a purpose for our being. It is our soul’s responsibility to guide us along the path of righteousness and to bring us into harmony with God’s will. Often times, we lack the spiritual development necessary to acknowledge the Lord’s presence in our situation. We must remind ourselves daily that God is the giver of life. Our fulfillment in life is solely dependent upon our relationship with the one who created us. No one else has the answers. There are many paths to the Well that never runs dry. We must choose one, dive deep, and never look back!

For the past 4 years, I have felt worthless. I have had days where I dreamt of walking outside and being hit by a car. I’ve had moments when I wanted to physically wound myself to distract myself from the pain I felt within. I was unconsciously unconscious about the healing I needed from past traumas. I did not even know I had experienced trauma, because I allowed so many other voices to dictate how I responded to the events of my life. This led me down a deep dark path of desolation. In the midst of it all, God was with me. I begin to cry out to him through song, praise, and journaling. I begged God to help me understand why so much hurt and devastation had been inflicted upon my loved ones and me. I stepped away from the dogma of religion and I sought out The Lord for myself.

As I grew closer to God, unknown forces tried to destroy me even more. In the last few months alone, I experienced the death of my son, my great-grandmother who raised me, and my biological mother. I have painstakingly watched the destruction of significant pillars in my life, career, family, etc. The structures of my existence as I’ve known them to be for the last 26 years have all come crumbling down. There have been moments where I wanted to die and just be with God, but I never gave up on his call over my life. In my heart, I’ve lost too much not to persevere and see the Glory of God prevail in my circumstance.

The Clarissa Joan Experience is about finding God in all things and inspiring others to do the same. It is about accepting the truth of matters of the heart and using those truths to better ourselves and glorify God. I am here to promote passion, purpose, peace, and prosperity for all.

My mission is to empower myself with God’s word and share these revelations with others. By the grace of God, we are who we are. He chose our paths distinctively for our victory. He set us up to win, and we are all due the right to find the kingdom of God that dwells within us. Do you want unconditional joy, peace, and love?

Walk with me, and we will find it together!

Clarissa Joan