I’m Aware: Moving Forward

Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment.” – Eckhart Tolle

Earlier this week, I texted this quote to multiple family members and friends. Why? Because sometimes our lives are so heavily burdened, we lose sight of the truth that it is all for our good. Furthermore, we suffer fear and anxiety unnecessarily. We do not know where our own strength comes from, and so we do not how to move forward.

We Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Us.Philippians 4:13

Joshua Middleton was born at 10:20 AM Thursday, March 28, 2013. He weighed 4lbs and 11oz. He had a crown full of jet-black silky hair, his mother’s pointy chin, the heart-shaped lips of his father, and hands larger than life its self. He was our “Sweet Little Baby Boy!” He was beautiful and he was brave!

Joshua Middleton entered this world stillborn at 38 weeks mature. What should have been the best day of my life became the worst. One year later, I am screaming to the heavens, “THANK YOU.” Thank you to the sweet little baby boy who taught me my greatest lesson, God is Salvation.

“In his hand is the life of every creature
and the breath of all mankind.

Job 12:10

My mother put herself in rehab after Joshua’s death. The trauma of the loss and our grandmother’s cancer diagnosis was all too much for her. She took precautionary measures not wanting to self medicate anymore. Her 30 days ended after we buried grandmom. On the day of her release, we talked about her sobriety, her new church home, Genesis, and the bible. She asked me to read The Book of Job. These were our final words. She died less than two-months later on June 19, 2013.

The story of Job is very popular. God takes away everything Job has to demonstrate his faithfulness to Satan. Job loses his home, his wealth, his family, and eventually his health. When Job proves his faithfulness, God gives him back double. Why was Job so faithful? Why did Job believe in God even when his world was falling apart? What did Job know?

Job knew the power of God. Job knew who he was as a child of God. Job knew that no matter what he was going through God was in control, and since God was in control, he had nothing to worry or fear. Job knew that all things worked for his good.

I, like Job, lost everything. By July of last year, I was childless, jobless, and motherless. I was broken, pained, and weary. I went through the fire, but it molded me. My back was against the wall in tribulations no man could ease. I had to put my trust in God alone. I could not afford to lose sight of his power in my situation, or I would have lost my mind. I may not have known why all those horrible tragedies occurred so suddenly and overwhelmingly, but I knew God had a plan.

How did I move forward? I recognized I could not save myself. I could not save anyone else either. No one can. Only God can save us. Only God can turn our situations around. We must trust and follow him.

Today on the anniversary of my son’s death, I have given all of my burdens to God. I recognize that I am not in control of what happens to me, but I am in control of how I respond. I could have let last year kill me. I could have given up on myself and turned my back on God. Instead, I prayed to him. I thanked him. I allowed God to do his will through me, and now I am a better woman, wife, servant, and mother.

Genesis Olivia Middleton was born at 4:11 PM on Thursday, January 23, 2014. Weighing 8lbs and 4oz, she birthed new beginnings of love, joy, peace, and abundance for The Middleton Family. One child does not replace another. The lord giveth, and he promises a double portion to all who endureth loss. Genesis is a miracle baby, and she is just the beginning of many more miracles to come. I surrender ALL in confidence that he that began a good work in me will carry it on to completion. I am Moving Forward!

What are you holding on to? What will you not allow to work for you good? Give it to God. Lean on the Lord from whom your help cometh.  Surrender to your experiences, let God save you, and Move Forward!

Clarissa J.